Becoming

Who am I?

In our lifetime, we may ask ourselves that question more than once. Sometimes, it’s superficial self-questioning. At others, it sparks deep reflection, and may result in a career change, dramatic weight loss, or going all-in with a new relationship.

From birth, we are assigned labels. In my opinion, many of these are harmless except that each label we receive — if we’re not careful — will pigeon-hole us further into thinking about ourselves only through the lens of how others see us or what others expect from us.

Worldwide, the average height for a man is around 5 feet 8 inches (175cm). I’m 6 feet 2 inches tall (188cm) which makes me about 7% taller than average. Ever since my third year of primary school, I’ve been taller than most of my friends and associates. Consequently, I’ve labeled myself as tall. For most people at or below the average height, they likely label me as tall as well. Of course, to a person who is 7 feet 7 inches tall (230cm), most of the world is short.

Now, suppose I suffer an accident tomorrow and I lose both of my legs just below the knee. That part of my body is about 18 inches (46cm) long. Without that part of me, I would only be 4 feet 8 inches (142cm) tall. Consequently, I would then be almost 20% shorter than the average man worldwide.

Would I still identify as being tall? Would I tell people I used to be tall then regale them with the story of my tragic accident? Or, would I stop talking about height altogether as I sit in my wheelchair staring wistfully out the window remembering what was and lamenting what might have been?

I was something: tall. Then I became something: short. With the use of prosthetics, I could become something again: tall.

Does how I identify myself change as a result of that change in my physical stature?

The example above describes an abrupt change and deals with a physical characteristic many wouldn’t consider a label. What about the labels of beautiful, plain, or even ugly? Those labels can be, and often are, heavy labels to carry.

Let’s go back to the question: “Who am I?”. Like the example above, it’s a question that may also lead to abrupt change. More often than not, however, it‘ i’s a question at the beginning of a journey; a journey of becoming.

For years, I have labeled myself as a stress eater. I’ve also labeled myself as a runner. I’ve typically worked in high-stress jobs (or jobs where I’ve manufactured plenty of stress for myself). I’ve made the statement hundreds of times to people across the United States and beyond that I eat therefore I run. I’ve justified being a stress eater by being a runner.

In September 2019 I suffered a temporary, but debilitating, hip injury. In my opinion, the story’s a pretty great one, but I’m going to save it for another time.

Due to the injury, I couldn’t run for a period of about two months (Label: a runner temporarily not able to run). COVID began taking the world by storm just a few short months later. I still identified myself by the label: stress eater.

There I was sitting in my basement office (really just a corner of the basement I carved out for myself), working for a small startup from home while surrounded by my five children who were trying to do school from home. The stress I felt was worse than at any other time in my life. Consequently, because I’ve labeled myself as a stress eater, I ate a lot. I gained more than 20 pounds (9kg). Even after the hip injury healed, running was harder than before because I was carrying around a bunch of extra baggage.

My wife works as a health coach and is a pretty good one at that. No, the irony is not lost on me. See, in order to change you have to want to. What my wife tells her clients is you change when the pain of changing is finally less than the pain of staying the same.

In her business, they’ve abandoned the time-worn-out-completely notion of before and after. Instead, they teach before and becoming. I love that! For clients who are serious about their health and wellness, it’s not about just losing weight. It is about developing a mindset that you don’t have to adhere to old labels. You can redefine how you see yourself and the choices you make. Then, you enjoy the benefit of better health and wellness in the process. But it always starts with how you see yourself.

A few weeks ago, a close friend not many years older than I was diagnosed with terminal cancer. A few days ago, a friend younger than I suddenly died from cardiac arrest.

The lessons my wife teaches, coupled with the tragic news about friends, have served as a wakeup call for me.

What am I becoming?

For me, it’s the most important question. I’ve lived by self-imposed labels for a long time. I’ve accepted the labels others have assigned to me. I want some of those labels (devoted husband, believer in God, follower of Jesus Christ, hard worker, runner) to stick. Other labels — well — it’s time for the shackles to come off.

Stress eater. Nope. Conscious eater. Yes!
Busy. Nope. Productive. Yes!
Dreamer. Yes!
Creator. Yes!
Average dad. Nope. Great dad. Most definitely!

In this unprecedented time in our lives, I believe we all owe it to ourselves to look at the labels on our lives and question them. Then, with all the courage we can muster, we rip off the label and discard it. As my wife would say, changing those labels is about becoming the dominant force in your own life.

I’m ready.

Are you?