The Quiet Inside

4:00 am.

For many people, waking at 4:00 am is unconscionable.

For me, waking at that unholy hour — with or without an alarm — is the norm. On days when the alarm wakes me, I don’t delay getting out of bed because I know much needed sleep is just around the corner.

Leonard Cohen, Bob Marley, and Paul Simon all sang about the terribleness of that hour. Rives, the first 2.0 poet, said about 4:00 am:

It means something like you are awake at the worst possible hour. A time for inconveniences, mishaps, yearnings. A time for plotting to whack the chief of police, like in [the] classic scene from “The Godfather.” Coppola’s script describes these guys as, ‘exhausted in shirt sleeves. It is four in the morning.’

If so much that is bad happens at 4:00 am, why do I wake up then?

Quiet.

Solitude.

Time to think.

I do my best thinking early in the morning. Of course, this also means I’m usually ready for a nap by 10:00 am — a sure sign I’m not getting enough sleep, well, ever. If I were to retire to bed earlier and rise later, perhaps my creative time would happen at a normal hour of the day. I might also live longer. Possibly.

For me, that obscene hour is when I get some of my best creative work done. It is a time, however brief it might be some days, when I can unhook my brain from technology.

In our ever-connected lives, it is harder than at any other time in human history to simply be in the moment. So much clamors for our attention during our every waking hour. Notifications on our phones and computers pull our attention away from whatever we’re doing. Most of us try to multitask in much of what we do.

How often are you engaged in a conversation with someone who half pays attention to what you’re saying as they respond to a text message?

Daily, it seems, more science emerges in support of disconnecting from electronic devices. 50 years ago, advanced technology as we know it today didn’t exist so the science wasn’t there. Go back 100 years and crystal sets for hearing that new thing called radio were still relevant. That was the only thing to distract you from whatever was right in front of you.

Being present in the moment is about quieting internal and external noise. External noise can be characterized as perpetual bombardment with stuff that isn’t relevant to the present situation. Internal noise is the anxiety, rumination, and over-thinking induced by worry about the unchangeable past and/or unforeseeable future.

When yogis and self-help gurus talk about meditation and being present, they talk about reaching a state where nothing else exists except the feeling of one’s own breath and the vacuous space between your ears as your mind is rid of all thought.

For many people (perhaps most), trying to reach that state of nirvana is not practical; may not even possible. (Sorry self-help folks.) As you’re probably well aware, fear of missing out (FOMO) is a real thing that affects many people even when they’ve made a conscious choice to turn off their phone and step away from other always-on distractions.

You and I might never reach that point where we’re free of influential external or internal noise. But, a little noise is better than a lot. The quiet within is achieved by continually working toward eliminating the unnecessary.

The steps are few, but the process can be difficult to get started. It’s about momentum: starting small and getting the ball rolling until the difficult becomes just hard, the hard becomes easier, and the easier becomes second nature.

First, it’s important to recognize that it’s okay to be unavailable for a little while everyday. It doesn’t have to be an hour-long session. It can be as little as ten minutes. If you’re worried about being unavailable while your kids are at school, take that time a few minutes before they wake up or after they go to bed at night. For everyone else, well, they’re adults and can figure things out without you.

Deliberately stepping away from electronics can actually help remove the fear of missing out. That’s because you’ll realize quickly that you’re actually not missing out on that much. Most of the time, even if you do miss out on something, you’ll catch up quickly. Additionally, how important is it that we really know about everything that’s going on?

Second, recognize that the best parts of life are probably happening right in front of you. I’ve been guilty of taking my kids to the park to play and staring at my phone while I pushed my youngest son on a swing.

Why not be present with him?

Deep connection is still possible even without verbal communication. Deep connection is about the shared experience, even if the point of view is a little bit different. Deep connection is about slowing down; embracing what’s right there, right now.

If you’re staring at a phone, how much will you miss?

Now, rinse and repeat.

To start, that’s it:

1. Make a deliberate, conscious choice to step away from electronics and unnecessary external distractions.

2. Invest your whole self in the experience in front of you.

You won’t do it perfectly on the first or the hundredth try. The point is to keep trying. The only way to get good at something that is hard is to practice. Don’t give up or beat yourself up when things don’t go as you hoped. You might still get distracted by the buzz of notifications now and again, but how much value comes from simply trying?

Thanks for reading.