The Lost Art of Intentionality

I run.

I have a friend training for a marathon. Today, he and I ran 20 miles. It rained all night, stopping only minutes before we left. At one point during the run, it even snowed lightly.

And yet we ran. Mile after mile. He’s been a runner for more than 30 years. I’ve been running for about 10. Neither of us runs particularly fast so our 20 mile run took just over 3.5 hours.

That type of running doesn’t happen by accident. Most people don’t walk outside and just decide to run 20 miles. For people in moderate to good shape, it can take months or years of training to work up to that distance.

When I got home, I was exhausted. I smelled terrible. My kids don’t even like to be in the same room with me after a run like that.

I sat down to eat something and immediately pulled out my phone.

News.

Social media.

Email.

Before I knew it, I had squandered 30 minutes.

Now, 30 minutes isn’t that long. The fact that I wasn’t intentional about why I pulled out my phone, however, meant that those 30 minutes were gone. Essentially wasted. I can’t tell you anything particular about what I read on the news or social media. I responded to a few work-related emails. On Saturday. When I’m not being paid to work.

I know that productivity during every waking hour is neither practical nor healthy. Using some time to decompress and relax is essential to striking some kind of balance in this ever-accelerating world.

I don’t believe that everything needs to be scheduled either. Particularly for those nurturing any type of relationship with other humans, there’s a real need for unstructured interaction to maintain healthy relationships.

At the same time, not being intentional about certain things (like social media use and work) means they get the lion’s share of our time; more time than we, well, intend anyway.

So. . .what is intentionality?

Quality focus on some objective, desire, thought, hope, or belief

I love that definition! It says nothing about a specific amount of time; just quality.

I started running in 2008 because I wasn’t healthy. I lost control of my work life, sometimes working as much as 100+ hours per week¹. There were many weeks when I would eat out for 3 meals a day, and not good dining. I’m talking about all the grossness found at fast food restaurants.

It took me almost a year to lose enough weight to be able to run a decent mile². Then it was 2. Before long, 5. Then 10.

It was a beautiful May morning in 2013 when I first attempted a long run outside with the same friend I ran with today. It was warm. It started raining within minutes of leaving my home. We ran 10 miles in the rain that day. It was wonderful!

For me, running (and walking, which I’ve also taken up recently) is a great way to clear my mind and get focused on problems I’m trying to solve for my clients. I almost always run with friends which has served to strengthen our friendship.

Stating it clinically, my objectives and hope in running are better health, quality social time, and strengthening friendships.

I don’t think we need to be intentional about everything, but I think it’s a lost art to be intentional about some things; the important things. For example, it takes intentionality to maintain a strong bond with my wife. If I want a good relationship with her then I have to give her my focused attention sometimes. The same is true with my kids and my friends.

Generally speaking — and particularly in the current climate — employers and jobs will greedily take as much time as you’ll give them. There are a lot of people out there who also mismanage their own emotions who will suck up whatever time you give them.

So, you have to be intentional about saying no to some of those things. Otherwise, you’re saying no to things that really matter.

May as well get better at saying no to the things that don’t really matter in the long run³.

¹I know, in certain circles, 100+ hours a week is normal. STOP IT! It’s not healthy nor we were born just to work. There is so much more to life than the pursuit of money.

²Yes, I understand that a decent mile is subjective. For some people, running a mile might be all they can muster. Good for you doing what you can!

³See what I did there?