How to Be a Good Person In a Storm

‘Keep Calm and Carry On’ was one of three key messages created by Britain’s wartime propaganda department, the Ministry of Information, during the second World War. The now-ubiquitous ‘Keep Calm and Carry On’ phrase was chosen for its clear message of ‘sober restraint’ and was coined sometime between June 27th and July 6th, 1939.

It was hardly used during the war. Around 2.4 million posters with the statement were printed which had to be scrapped, pulped, and turned into recycled paper to handle a severe shortage in Great Britain.

I have to wonder — Google couldn’t answer my question — how many people, since Keep Calm entered mainstream more than 2 decades ago, have committed violent acts or even just lost their temper while sporting a t-shirt or some other article of clothing emblazoned with that slogan.

Gandalf the Grey, in a confrontational moment says, “Tell me, friend, when did Saruman The Wise abandon reason for madness?”

There have been certain epochs in world history where reason has been abandoned for madness. We live in such a time now. In ways perhaps too varied and numerous to list, normally civil people have been whipped into such a frenzy that even in fairly conservative areas like Salt Lake City, Utah, cars have been overturned and set ablaze when rioters don’t agree with the way things are being done. What, exactly, does a flaming Fiat accomplish?

In a short piece written by Dr. Wendy James called The Psychology of Mob Mentality and Violence, she posits:

What we might not do as individuals we may do as part of a group. People may lose control of their usual inhibitions, as their mentality becomes that of the group.

Herd mentality. You can read about that here. (Not an affiliate link.)

Just over a year ago, I took my two oldest sons to Los Angeles for a Rocket League Championship Series. I saw little point in spending two days watching teens and young adults play a game that involves rocket-powered cars and a giant ball. I took a notebook with me as I was determined to sit and capture my wandering thoughts instead of “wasting my time” watching video games.

It only took about an hour for me to get sucked into the action. By mid-afternoon, I had picked my team. I was rooting for them to go all the way. We returned home and streamed the remainder of the series on the TV in our living room.

I drank the Kool-Aid, and I liked it.

Later, however, I found myself not believing that I had allowed myself to get sucked into it.

I think watching a video game is mostly harmless (though I can think of many things I would rather do than watch other people play video games). There is no shortage of examples, unfortunately, where crowd mentality strays far afield of harmless to the land of violent and even life-threatening.

Sometimes, it’s okay to get swept up in the hype of something. Most of the time, though, we’re better off if we can stay aloof, and there are a few key character traits and practices that will keep us out of the flood waters: integrity, poise, and thoughtfulness.

These days, integrity is often invoked as a smokescreen for those who lack integrity, poise is almost never spoken of in the public sphere, and in the words of Groucho Marx, “95% of people would rather die than think.”

Of course, those aren’t the only attributes that can help you rise above the storms of life, but they are key. Let’s break them down one at a time.

First: Integrity. It’s a noun that means the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles; moral uprightness; the state of being whole and undivided.

There’s a common refrain attributed to C.S. Lewis that says, “Integrity is doing the right thing, even when no one is watching.” I tend to be a traditionalist in my belief that there is a level of universal right and wrong; a standard of morality that applies to all people. The ongoing challenge is breaking free from social norms that have violated that standard in ways; perhaps some that haven’t even been challenged yet.

Moral relativists, though, have taken that to the extreme. They would have you believe that right and wrong are subject to individual interpretation and to the whims of fancy. The more relativistic the view, the easier it is to claim integrity even when it is infringes on the rights and liberties of others. They preach acceptance of all until your views don’t align with theirs.

There are a few imperatives required to develop and maintain integrity:

Be honest.
Take responsibility for your own actions.
Own up to mistakes.
Keep your word.
Don’t make promises you can’t keep.

Second: Poise. Also a noun meaning graceful and elegant bearing in a person; composure.

Poise is a close relative of self-control and composure. Thus, to lose poise is to let go of self-control. Mark A. Bragg noted, “Poise is not spoken about much these days and practiced even less in turbulent and divisive times.”

Loss of poise always seems to begin with blaming someone else for failure in something over which you have control. Circumstances are often such that the only thing you control is how you respond. As soon as you take the position that “they made me” you’ve give up poise.

In pressure-filled situations, poise helps you stay calm and focused on what matters most.

A few helpful practices to help develop and retain poise:

Get comfortable with discomfort.
Use your ears and mouth proportionately; think twice before speaking.
In any interaction, think about the other party.
Breathe.

Third: Thoughtfulness. Yet another noun meaning careful consideration for the needs of other people.

Sitting at a karate tournament with my son, I overheard a mother say to her young child, “think before you act.” It’s another sage one-liner that has been diluted by familiarity.

Thousands of thoughts pass through our minds every day. I don’t believe the internet’s claims that 70,000 thoughts pass through our brains, but the number is large. Sometimes, we can even entertain multiple thoughts at once. The number of deliberate thought-challenging thoughts, however, likely numbers in the low dozens.

When faced with situations that challenge integrity and poise, how often do you think before you act? How often do you stop to think about the thoughts you’re having?

There’s a balance between thought and action. Too much thought can be debilitating. Too little can lead to rash action. That balance is situational, meaning that the circumstances and people involved dictate, to some degree, how thoughtful you have to be.

Here are a few ways to increase thoughtfulness:

Go out of your way to do something for someone else.
Perhaps paradoxically, say ‘no’ more often.
Ask questions, and actively listen.
Relax your hold on tightly held beliefs.

Developing any character trait, like learning a new skill or building muscle, takes time. Consistent effort is key. Small, incremental steps make up the path to success, not grand, but momentary gestures. So, be patient with yourself, and remember to keep calm and carry on.