Tomorrow and the Days After
“I know I’ve said it a dozen times before, but I’m really going to do it this time.” My wife nodded. It wasn’t the kind of nod that told me she believed what I was saying. It was the nod…
Essays
Why Smart People Still Do Stupid Things
Let me begin with a confession. I won’t claim to be the smartest person around, but I’ve certainly had my moments of believing I knew better. In my final year of mechanical engineering school at the University of Utah, I…
Why Are We Afraid of Our Thoughts?
A few days ago, my phone died. It wasn’t a dramatic, throw-it-away-and-start-shopping kind of dead. It was just exhausted like me. The battery, which now operates at roughly sixty percent of its original capacity, had finally surrendered to the use…
High-Speed Drift Into Nowhere
My hands were actually shaking. I was sitting in the UCCU Center at my youngest daughter’s high school graduation, before commencement had started, playing Blockudoku on my phone with my youngest child beside me. We were one “Choose carefully” block…
Why You Need Self-Improvement and Self-Acceptance
A few years ago, I ran two miles faster than I ever had. I crossed my own finish line feeling victorious for roughly seven seconds before I fell on my hands and knees and vomited on the grass behind some…
This Truck Lacks Moral Character
Some months ago, I loaded up my entire team from work (all 5 of us at the time) and headed north to Idaho. We were going out for field training on the product we were building at the time. 30…
Darwin vs. the Big Mac
Recently, I sat in a McDonald’s drive-thru staring at the glowing menu as options flashed in front of my eyes faster than I could process them. I had just finished reading The E-Myth Revisited, where Michael E. Gerber seems to…
The Eggo Waffle Theory of Grief
“Don’t wake me before 7:00 am.” That was DeAnne’s rule. We spent scores of weekends at her condo, sleeping on the hide-a-bed couch and watching movies that may or may not have been “parent approved.” DeAnne, my aunt, could never…
The Rooms Where Time Stops
The air conditioning hisses overhead, almost drowning out the sound of the Life Flight helicopter just outside the hospital room window’s thick glass. My aunt, my mother’s oldest sister, lies dying in the bed beside me. Eleven days ago, I…
It’s Time to Call Off the Inner Fight
Oh, so this is how it’s going to be. That was the thought I had when I rolled over and saw the clock. 1:26 am. For some people, I think that still counts as night, a time they see before…
Never Stop Digging
My hands, arms, and back ache. The pain is familiar and foreign at the same time. West Jordan, the city where I live, has merciless soil. The fact that things grow here is miraculous considering the soil is mostly rock…
How Full Is Your Soul?
Mariah Carey’s Always Be My Baby was just audible over the constant buzz of dozens of conversations blending together in the Salt Lake City International Airport’s A terminal. “Did you see that couch on Facebook Marketplace… Your mother’s been in…
The Longing to Turn Pain Into Something Beautiful
I, like most people, I think, treat pain like a problem to solve quickly. Isn’t it in our nature to escape discomfort when possible? Fix it, frame it, or file it away before anyone notices we’re struggling. For me, if…
Do I Want To Die?
I’m lying in a hospital bed, staring at the ceiling tiles while I wait for the surgeon. Metabolic disease stole my feet first. At least, that’s what the doctor called it. Neuropathy and poor circulation were the culprits. Except they…
Listen Closely to What the Voices Are Saying
I’d finally had enough. The rattle echoing through the vents in our home had started waking us up at night. Every time the furnace turned on, the noise would come back, persisting for a few minutes before fading back into…
